It doesn't feel like 15 months, it feels like yesterday to me. Every morning you are one of my first thoughts, usually when I am up early alone. The hardest times are when a find something unexpectedly that belongs to you. Last night I was watching Sierra play and she reminded me of you a couple of times, it brought back memories of watching you play.
I was talking to Jodi about you today, we were talking about how the pain is still the same, we just learn how to deal with it in different ways. It is hard to think of everything and everyone moving on without out you here, but it does go on, it will NEVER be the same for us. Some days I can talk about you without crying, some days I just cry (usually when I am alone). The memories of you keep me going sometimes, because they make me laugh and cry. You had a way of making most things into a joke, even when it made me mad, some way you could usually make me laugh.
Our house is not the same without you using it as a pit stop, snacking, deciding if my dinner is better than your moms, being lazy and leaving your dishes on the table. I told your mom the other day I would love to clean up your cups, cans and dishes again!!! I miss you so much!!!!
Well another 23rd is here. It has been 15 months now. I hate all of this soooo much honey! I have been having a harder time than usual these last few days. I was telling my friend Tina that I hate the 15th through the 27th of every month. Everyday I wake up and think of the date and try to remember what I was doing that last time this date rolled around and you were still here with me. The 15th was the last time that I saw you before we left to go camping. I can still see you long beautiful hair blowing in the wind when I ran out in the garage to tell you bye and that I loved you. The 16th was just a day that I wasted camping instead of being home with you. The 17th is when my whole World crashed around me because you had the seizure and were rushed to the hospital. I hate that I wasn't with you then! The 18th, 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd were all such an emotional roller coaster. All of those doctors coming in and telling us their opinions and of course they all thought differently. I can't begin to describe that horrible sick feeling that I had the entire time you were in the hospital. FEAR! The 23rd because that is when you left us. The 24th was the first day being in this house without you. Then having to go and plan your funeral. The 25th was the day that we had to go pick out your spot in the cemetery. Family Night at the funeral home. The 26th was one day that I have mixed emotions about. Standing beside your casket talking to over 1,200 people that came through the line. I was so proud of you that you touched so many lives in such a short time. There were students from 7 or 8 high schools there. Then the 27th....the day that we had to bury you. I hate all of those days. Not that the rest of the month is much better. I go through the 3rd through the 9th of every month remembering what we were doing on vacation in Ocean City just a week before this all started. Every single day of my life is such a struggle now not having you here with me.
You would be so proud of Sierra. She has turned in to quite a volleyball player. Remember how she didn't really like it? When you were her coach at the YMCA she was just ok with it. Even though you had the best team in the league! Well she loves it now. She is sooo beautiful. She is turned into such a young lady since losing you. She has grown up so much.
Then there is Shane...still as skinny as ever but actually getting taller now. Still a little cutie! He is still rotten but getting better. lol He is a pretty good soccer player. You got to see him be the basketball star but not really in soccer. They both miss you so much. They talk about you everyday. Paige would have said this or Paige would have done this or remember when Paige....I'm so afraid of them losing those memories!!
The other night we watched "Talladega Nights" one of your favorties. We cracked up the whole time remembering how you always quoted things from that movie. "I'll come at you like a spider monkey", "I'm all jacked up on Moutain Dew", "I'm not really sure what to do with my hands". lol Then we watched "Napoleon Dynamite" your other favorite. Between those two movies you had your one liners. lol You were always so funny. Could always make us laugh. I miss that so much!
Life is so unfair! I can't believe this is the rest of my life! I hate it!
Stay close baby! Come to me in my dreams. I could use a hug. I love that other people get to have dreams about you but I could sure use some.
A soulful connection / Lisa Gayle (Unknown Friend )
What a beautiful young lady and what a cry for this aweful condition to be exposed into awareness. I have symptomatic pineal cyst and being treated with topamax and diamox for hydrocephalus. I am seeking new doctors and in hopes of better treatment options. What a beautiful young lady and a beautiful website in which to dedicate for her. Her smile makes you feel as though you've known her forever yet have never met. I stumbled upon this website while researching. May GOD truly bless this awesome family (((((((hugs))))) Thank you again for sharing.
Lisa Gayle K
Amelia, Ohio Close
missing you / Liza Price (friends always )
i just wanted to stop by to let you know that i have been thinking about you .. and i do everyday .. college has been kicking my ass and i barely have time to do anything so im sorry that i havent been on here much .. my birthday was saturday you would be so proud of me haha .. we would both finally be 18 .. it was still kinda hard this year ... it made me think back to two years ago when you told me that we were going to the olive garden when i turned 17 .. and then my birthday came around last year and you were gone .. that still bothered me alot this year and its something that i dont think will ever stop bothering me every year .. no that even though weve all went our seperate ways we ALL still love you very much and you brough our class together .. we miss you more and more each day and please watch over us and keep us all safe .. i love you paige Close
I just stopped by for a visit, and the site looks GREAT! What a beautiful, beautiful young girl. This site and the pictures of Paige have touched me so much. Even though I have never met her, I think of her often. My goodness, what she could have become if given the chance. I know your not suppose to question God, but sometimes..it's like.."What were you thinking?" Sometimes I just sit and shake my head at the loss this community has suffered.
video/ Tammy Wright
hi dana, i just wanted to let you know i was at the football game last night and talked to a guy named mike and he has a website : its www.ovindex.com so i was checking it out and came across a video from the brusiers vs beauties event, its pretty neat and anyways you can copy or burn that video for free.. just thought you would like to check it out. you may already know about it , once you get on the website just hit video and its pretty easy from there,,,.... take care Close
i miss you angel :( / Marissa Molish (cousins for life<3 )Read >>
i miss you angel :( / Marissa Molish (cousins for life<3 )
hey there angel..
I know its been awhile. alot has been going on lately,and i wish i could talk to you.. Its still unreal, not a day goes by that i do not think of you ever. your always on my mind. 24/7. & you will always be in my heart, you & amanda both. Keep me safe Paige. I have the best two guardian angels ever :) I love you sweetie. sweet dreams.
I wanted to tell you how amazing your site is for you beautiful daughter. I am the cousin to Kelsey Leigh Lindberg.
You have so many ideas on here that Im excited about telling my Aunt and Uncle about. They too have starteda scholarship fund in Kelsey's name. We havent even thought about doing fundraisers for it like you have. Making shirts, keychains you name it you have done it, and it is truely an amazing thing!
We currently have done an adopt a highway for Kelsey Leigh. We're having our 3rd clean up this saturday. They actually put up a sign saying this section of highway was adopted for Kelsey Leigh Lindberg. I thought that may be something you'd be interested in doing for your daugher paige and even her cousin!
Thank you for all of your kind words. I know our family is still suffering from Kelsey's loss. As im sure you family is with your daughter. A year still feels like yesterday sometimes.
Your daughter is in my prayers as is your family...
Like kelsey would say and our famiy seems to stick to "Believe"
Thinking so much about you Paige. I looked up into the student section at the Liverpool game and immediately my thoughts were of you and your crazy antics when you were in CHARGE of that section. You were indeed a shining star. You NEVER missed an opportunity to have fun and spread the joy. Oh how we miss those the many hilarious things you would have conjerred up.
I heard Sierra's name announced this morning on the anouncements for leading the volleyball team to victory. Oh how you would've loved that. I couldn't help but smile.
Well, I am on my way to open house and have tears running down my cheeks just thinking about how many people are missing so very badly right now. Good night PMD.
im sitting in class waiting on it to start and i just wanted to tell you i miss you .. i cant believe that we all finally left east liverpool .. well most of us anyway haha .. it hurts so much to know we are all gone and you cant be doing this with us .. i sit and wonder alot about where you would of gone .. what you would wana major in .. all kinds of stuff .. it hurts alot to know that you dont get to experience all this with us .. and i know how hard it must be on your mom right now.. and your whole family as your brother and sister go back to school .. help them get thru all this ..
i hate not being able to go to the cemetery all the time to see .. i did go the day before i left .. and sat there for a long while .. it just hurts .. i found out yesterday on the first day of classes that chelsey was down here with me .. we have our first year experience class together .. so its nice to have someone that i know down here .. i had no idea she was going it .. we all miss you paige. and you will always be the one thing that all of us hold on to from back home .. i cant believe how long its been .. i still think that this is all just a dream sometimes .. and that i am going to wake u[p and get a msg from you telling me about college and what u think about your classes and all tht stuff .. i still call your voice mail alot .. at least once a day sometimes more if im having a bad day it helps to hear your voice .. its so hard .. i cant believe we all finally made it out of beaver local hell haha .. althought for a while we were unsure that any of us were going to make it with the new principal and superitendent lol .. im sure you would of been ticked and being a rebel and hating every new rule they gave along the way .. but yet here we are, our entire class for the most part away at school and if they arent away at school working .. its so hard to believe ..
but no that just because im not there i still think about you everyday .. and still miss you a little more every day this just isnt getting any easier .. i love you and i miss you more than you could ever imagine .. keep watch over everyone .. keep us all safe as we go out and do our own thing .. finally away from home and on our own .. i love you
Well today is the first day of classes and a lot has been running through my mind... i got here on friday and it hit me that im growing up. im living at home anymore. im on my own. then the next thing that popped in my head was that you weren't experiencing it. that really made me tear up. I wonder what you would have taken, who you would have become close with in college, where you would have gone. All those things go through my head. I have your picture and magnet on my fridge in my dorm along with amandas magnet. I look at it every morning and think about you all the time. I still wear your bracelet every single day on my left wrist so your close to my heart.
Thursday night I saw your mom,sierra, shane an rich. It was soooo nice seeing them and being with them. I sat in your house and just looked around, thought about you a lot. It was kinda hard sitting on the couch not having you around, expecting you to come rolling in or down the steps. I talked to your mom for a while. She misses you sooo much and you can really tell. I know shes hurt that you arn't getting to go to college with all of us. It just sucks
I really miss you though. Id give anything to talk to you. I know I tell you that a lot but its true. I just wish you were here with all of us. Id give anything to have you back. You left us way to soon and it just isnt fair. It really isnt. In a way I sometimes forget your gone. I know that sounds bad but honestly it just feels like your on vaca or you moved. then reality sinks in an its a bad nightmare. your gone, not coming back. I hate it.
hi/ Jes
So Paige.. I'm at college. Cant believe it huh? I was just chillin' in my dorm and I began to wonder to myself.. I wonder where you would have gone? Who you would have roomed with? what major you would have chosen? My guess is that you would chose SOMETHING involving social activities. I miss you SO much! I know I tell you that all the time... So word of mouth is the cheering section is really lame this year. Not sure whats up with that? I might have to go to a game to spice some things up wouldnt you say? Give them a little WHAT TIME IS IT? hahaha... I wish I could talk to you so badly. Especially now... I know I've said this over and over but i still feel like you arent gone. Like this didnt happen. Like we're all just going to wake up from this surreal nightmare and be back in English class painting our nails. haha but I do realize that I was so blessed to be good friends with you! I love you!!! Close
So you and Amanda both were in my dream last night, which I thought was kind of weird because I only knew Amanda through Chance. It was a very strange dream. It woke me up, and all I could do was think of your families. I miss you, Paige!
Well here it is another 23rd day of the month. Another month passes by without you. The toughest thing I've ever been through. People always tell me that time eases all wounds, but I don't see it. I miss you so much. There are so many things that I wish I could see you doing right now.
I went back to coaching ( part-time ). I know that I said I was done after your class graduated but this is the class that I came into Beaver Local with and it's going to be nice to see them through their senior years. We played Liverpool last night and won 29-22. Hard fought game, you would've loved it. I did look at the kids in the stands where you were all time and of course I got choked up. Then when I turned around there was Shawn Mercer and he hugged me and said it was going to be alright. He is a great kid. He reminds me alot of Logan in that aspect. Speaking of Logan, I know why you two were like brother and sister, I don't know if I ever known a kid as good as him.
We met a lady last night who came over and told us how amazing she thought we were ( especially your mom ). She gets on here all the time ands reads these messages. I would like to thank her for the words of kindness, it's little things like that, that helps us keep going. But if this lady would've had the chance to meet you , she would know that it was you who was amazing. That's why there has been 50 thousand plus hits on this website.
I love and miss you kid. I will see you again someday.
Thinking of you always / Lisa Daugherty (family friend )Read >>
Thinking of you always / Lisa Daugherty (family friend )
Another school year has begun. I have thought about you and your family every day since 6/17/07. Every milestone I see my kids reach, I think of you. Devan got her temps and as I look at her driving I think of how Mom told me how you always waved and honked in your little red car as you went by the house. Volleyball, babies named Paige, girls flashing peace signs, kids hating school (lol), Friday night football games- all reminders of you and your short life here with us. Losing you has helped me in many ways too- to not sweat the small stuff. Whenever I stress about bad grades on tests, bad decisions, smart mouths etc. with my kids- I think of how your Mom & Dad would love to be dealing with those little hassles in life- if they just had you here and it helps me to regain focus on what really matters. I hate to admit that sometimes I have to take a break from coming to this and Amanda's site. I get too sad and think too much about losing you so quickly. It is sad that for you and Amanda's parents, there is no break from that pain and sadness. I thank God for my many blessings in life but I too will have many questions for Him. Close
Amanda and Brittney were here tonight for a long time. We talked about all of the drama and gossip and alot about you. I showed Amanda the famous Paige video that Corrine had on her camera that she gave me. You wouldn't be real happy that I have it! Corrine was going to wait until your 21st birthday. Amanda was laughing so hard at you on the video.
They leave for school Friday like most of your friends are doing this week. They wanted your car magnets to hang on their dorm frig.
We were talking about signs that people have gotten that have to be coming from you. Danielle got a really good one yesterday with her Paige bracelet. That was good! Like tonight when the computer was done loading and the video came up and was ready to play. I hit play and looked at the clock on the computer. It was 12:11 am. There is that 11 again!
Everyone misses you so much. They are moving on to the next stage of their lives and everyone is taking a piece of you with them.
Please don't ever feel that you have to NOT cry or be sad just because a certain length of time has gone by. If anyone feels that its time for you to move on, then they have never had a child or been a Mom. Moms NEVER recover from what you have been through. I hope I never have to experience what you three have gone through, but if I did, I KNOW FOR CERTAIN I would NEVER stop crying. A mother's love is never ending. Your pain will never go away. It may become easier some days to handle it, but it will never go away. I'm sure I'm not the only one that doesn't expect you to recover from the loss of your child. Please don't worry about what people think. Just try as best as you can to get through one day at a time.
14 months later and it still feels so unreal that your gone. I leave friday for school and I can't help but feel sad. I just wish you could experience this like you were suppose to. Its really not fair at all. I visited you yesterday and I did today to. I just sat in silence staring at your headstone. Of course I saw the beautiful yellow butterfly that always seems to be there. I know its you. It has to be. I can't help but wonder if I'm going to see all the butterflies at west lib like I do here. I'm affraid I'm not going to. I guess the butterflies give me some sort of peace. Its like I know your there with me because I know its you. I mean ever since you passed I've never seen so many butterflies. Their everywhere I go. Ha! I hope you do send me some signs down there, I don't think I could go without getting one. I feel like with me leaving I'm leaving you. I wont get to visit like I do now but when I'm in I'll be sure to stop. I promise. I'm also really going to miss seeing your mom. Just keep her strong, help her get through this. Your her baby, and she needs you a lot. I don't think this pain of you being gone will ever subside in any of us. The only hope I have is knowing I'll see you again someday. I can't wait to see that beautiful smile and your peace sign. =] But, i love you paige, be with me through this hole college thing.
I felt sooo bad when I read your last comment. I too think constantly about what Amanda was cheated out of ... how many kids she would of had, what they would of looked like, and what kind of mother she would have been. It makes me sooo angry and sick to think of how they were cheated!!!! I will never be truly happy again in my entire life just like you. I cry constantly and most days feel like I'm going crazy or could just wig because of all the anger. I will never be over losing my baby... no matter what I'm doing throughout the day she is always on my mind... that's probably why I can't focus or keep my mind on anything. I feel like my life can't move fast enough for me to be with her again. I know I will never obsess about getting old... wrinkles and so on because that only means I'm getting closer to her!! I love Chance and Hali dearly but most people don't realize how physically painful it is to lose a child!! At any given instant it feels like you've been punched in the stomach and can't breathe... like every ounce of energy has instantly drained from your body and you could just drop to the ground. I guess we have to try and focus on the fact that our girls lived good lives in the short times they were given. Thats really all we have. I am very proud to be both Paige's Aunt and Amanda's Mom!!
Now that your friends are getting ready to leave for college I find myself wondering what you would be doing. Every stage of their lives will always come back to the fact that you should be doing it too. Wondering what you would finally go to school for, who you would be dating, who you would marry, how many kids you would have.....the list goes on and on. You missed out on so many things in your short life and I HATE IT!!!!!!
You should be going to college this Fall but because life is so unfair you weren't even allowed to stay long enough here with us to graduate from High School or enjoy being a Senior. You waited your entire life to be a Senior and then be out of high school. You couldn't wait. This all still makes me so angry. He has alot of explaining to do and there is nothing that would be good enough to take you away from us so young and cheat you out of so many things.
I still cry everyday, now mostly when I am alone in the shower or driving alone and it has been 14 months since that horrible day that ruined my life! Sometimes I feel that I shouldn't be crying in front of people anymore because it has been so long now so I cry when I am alone or on these websites. People expect you to be over it and moving on with your life after so long. Sure I still go places and have fun but I haven't been truly happy in life since you left us and I know that I never will be. My nerves are shot! There isn't a second that goes by that I am not wishing that you were still here with me.
Sometimes when I read your Aunt Bev & Tina Haney's posts on Amanda & Paige Haney's sites I feel like I can't breath. I just totally lose it. I know that I have come a long way since last Summer and it comes crashing back and about knocks me over when I read what they are going through now. I wish that there was a way to help them. I just don't know what to do.
So everyone is leaving this week for college and alot of them feel as if they are leaving you behind. I know the feeling. Everytime we go camping out of town or when we were on vacation. It is so hard to leave here. I hate not getting to go to the cemetery & this weekend I couldn't even get on your site. We all just have to believe that you are with us everywhere we go. I find myself being to bitter anymore about alot of things.
Tributes and Condolences
Well she loves it now. She is sooo beautiful. She is turned into such a young lady since losing you. She has grown up so much. 
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